Eight Years

I wasn't going to stay very long. Fifteen, twenty minutes at the most. In and out. Real quick. Just one drink and go. Because I had other places to be. Other people to see.

But one of the best things about being young, spontaneous, and full of hope is that - on any given night, in any given place - Anything can happen. And, eight years ago on that late November night, Anything did happen.

That night, in a crowded bar and amidst a sea of people, I met Chris. We laid eyes on each other and - as true romantics would say - fell in love at first sight. We chatted about nothing and everything, shared dreams so seemingly far-fetched that we surprised even ourselves, and confided our deepest secrets without so much as a second thought. As the night spilled over into the morning, we lost track of time. Over several drinks, a horror movie and, later, over the hood of my frost-covered car, I lost a bit of myself to him.

And I've never gotten it back.

Eight years ago tonight I met the man that is now my husband. He has my heart. He has my soul.

And from now until forever, he'll have me.

___________________________

"Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. For love is the creator of our favourite memories and the foundation of our fondest dreams. Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all - one known only by those who love."
-- Author Unknown

The Need for Control

Letting go... Of the need for control.

It's a hard thing to do. When your usual response to an undesirable situation is to put up your dukes and fight, argue, claw, yell, shout, scream, demand - then it can be a bit of a challenge to sit back, relax, let go of the reins, and allow the situation to unfold on its own.

In fact, it can be the hardest thing you've ever done. Especially if you're like me.

Because of certain events that happened during my youth, I spent most of my early adulthood fighting for control. I was absolutely desperate to steer events and circumstances into a desirable (read that safe) outcome. I had the need to push, push, push myself to make every wrong situation right. Every bad situation good. Every awful situation better. I felt that to relinquish the control to anyone else would be tantamount to disaster. In my mind, I was the only one who cared about me, so therefore I was the only one who could keep me safe. I was the only one who could make me happy. I was the only one...

And, of course, it never worked. The harder I fought, and the harder I pushed, the more of a struggle life became. The more I sought control, the less of it I obtained.

It was exhausting.

But I was, however, right about one thing. My happiness does, in a way, depend solely on me. I was just looking at things from a limited perspective.

I've learned that letting go of the need for control over situations that are uncontrollable (say that ten times fast), and focusing on the only thing I can control - how I feel - is the best, most satisfying and sure way to a happy, fulfilling and, yes, safe life. The key to our happiness doesn't lie someplace else, or with someone else. It lies with us. Inside of us. It's all about how we feel in every given moment that makes us who we are.

And fortunately, how we feel is always, absolutely, and only in our control.

It doesn't matter what's going on around us. We have the power, the strength, and the wisdom to turn the other cheek, to look toward the light, and to see the glass - every glass - as half full. No exceptions.

And when we do that, amazing things happen. Miracles happen. Or, in other words, a perfect unfolding of circumstances based on what we're feeling, thinking, and envisioning. Each of us have the willpower to direct our thoughts. Whether they be good or bad, positive or negative, uplifting or degrading, it's all up to us. We decide what we think and, as a result, how we feel.

Happiness is literally just a thought away. And no matter what is happening in our lives, it's always within reach. It's always accessible. It's always, always, and only within us.

It is, when all is said and done, the only thing we can control.

And I, for one, find that very comforting.


* Dehlia, learning to make the best of an undesirable situation. ;)

________________________

"I’ve decided that I’m gonna take life as it comes. And I am going to do the best that I can do in the midst of what I’m doing."
-- Abraham

Joon in November

_________________

"Babies are such a nice way to start people."
-- Don Herrold

Becoming...

We've all been there.

Waiting.

Waiting for that certain someone to show up. Anxiously peering around corners, subtly looking over our shoulders, walking throughout the room with our stomachs filled with butterflies and our hearts in our throats... And hoping upon hope that that person shows up.

Hoping. Waiting. Anticipating...

And when that person does show, when he or she first enters our line of sight, we've all felt our hearts beat wildly; we've all experienced that overwhelming fluttering in our chests - two of the feelings that only true love can ignite.

This particular scene in Becoming Jane is my favorite cinematic scene of all time. All time. The energy between Tom and Jane (James McAvoy and Anne Hathaway) is practically palpable. The way she lights up when she sees him, and the mischievous, knowing smile he flashes her, is just breathtaking. I mean, seriously, it's breathtaking. (Honestly, my breath actually catches in my throat and my heart skips a beat each and every time I watch this.) Their passion for each other is so strong that - despite their best intentions - it just cannot be hidden.

It's the perfect moment.

I look at this scene (and the movie in general) as a reminder to always make time for love in my life. To never get so out of tune with myself or too busy with the daily grind to ignore the beating of my own heart, or to lose that euphoric feeling of pure and unbridled passion. I vow to never forget how it feels to be madly, deeply, and irrevocably in love.

I mean - love. It really is the most important thing. Isn't that what we're all here to experience, anyway?

_______________________

"Jane, I'm yours. God, I'm yours. I'm yours, heart and soul."
-- Tom Lefroy, Becoming Jane

Take A Chance

I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it.

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.

Okay. All corny 80's music lyrics aside, I really am excited. And honestly? I just can't hide it.

Why? Because I tried something new.

Every time I try something new, every time I challenge myself by stepping outside of my comfort zone and forging full-speed ahead, I win. And whether or not the idea flops or the situation doesn't turn out exactly as I wanted it to, I still win. I still - always, always, always - see myself as a success.

And why?

Because I took a chance. I dared to leap. I pushed any fears or doubting thoughts aside and jumped in to the mud and muck with enthusiasm and passion. Regardless of the outcome, I carried enough hope in my heart to expand, to develop, and to grow beyond that which I'd already become.

It's so important to keep our lives filled with excitement and wonder. To grab on to the feelings of hope, joy, and passion and never, ever let them go. And it's absolutely imperative to not let our days flow monotonously by, minute by minute, until - before we know it - we're just living one stale year after another.

By challenging ourselves, by escaping the norm, we can actually live life.

Here are a few more shots from the session I had with Julie and her family last week. I was more than nervous before the shoot (nervous to the point of I'm-going-to-call-and-cancel-because-there's-no-way-there's-just-no-way-I-can-do-this), but I sucked it up and pushed myself forward. And the rest is history. If I hadn't swallowed my fear, I would have never gone.

But I did. I picked up my camera, plastered a smile onto my face, lifted my chin, and plowed ahead with faith. And I'm so, so, so glad that I did.

My advice - and you can take it and do with it what you will - is to find something that you've been keeping yourself from doing and do it. And remember that you have the power. The power is totally, completely, and only in you.

And seriously... When you really think about it, what have you got to lose?

_________________

"I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy livin' or get busy dyin."
-- Andy Dufresne, "The Shawshank Redemption"

Words to Live By...

"On judgement day if God should say, "Did you clean your house today?"
I will say, "I did not, I played with my dogs and I forgot."

_______________________

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue."
--Anonymous

Chapter Two

Strange.

I knew by the way my new clothes fit me that I wasn't fat. I could even see my waistline, and the beginnings of a six pack carving its way into my stomach. I could trace my jaw line with my fingertip, where before it laid buried under layers and layers of fat. My cheekbones jutted out sharply, and my hipbones were becoming more and more prominent every day.

It was almost like I was the Wicked Witch of the West. Melting. Melting. Melting...

That night, after returning home from graduation, I stood in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom and sucked in what was left of my gut. The black skirt that I bought especially for the occasion dipped lower around my waist, and the front of my blouse hung loose and limp. Then I exhaled, pushing my stomach out as far as I could. The skirt tightened uncomfortably, digging into my flesh. The thin fabric of my blouse stretched, causing the buttons to strain dangerously against the single loops of thread that held them in place. After a minute, I inhaled again.

Fat. Thin. Fat. Thin. Fat. Thin. Fat...

I cocked my head, examining my reflection. "Still fat," I muttered, shrugging out of my dress clothes and into a pair of sweats. As I tightened the laces on my running shoes, I could already feel my heart rate speed up. My blood pulsed a steady beat in my ears, and my muscles twitched anxiously. Just thinking about the amount of fat that was left on my body was enough to propel me forward.

I had the urge - no, the need - to move, move, move.

____________________

"For me, writing is exploration; and most of the time, I'm surprised where the journey takes me."
-- Jack Dann

Love Rats... All Things.

This little gem is from the shoot I did last weekend with Julie and her family... And it's one of my favorites.

This photo captures her true essence and is just the purest representation of who she is: a passionate lover of all things - big and small... For instance - she spends her vacations doing volunteer work with various animal rescues across the country. Her next scheduled stop is with Best Friends Animal Society in Utah. How much cooler can you get?

Oh, and on a side note... She's one of the prettiest people I know. :)

* Julie & Izzy

** For more pics of Julie and her family, click here.
__________________

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams."
-- Ashley Smith

I Appreciate... Old Stuff.

______________________

"Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart."
-- Native American saying

Saturday's Shoot

A few of my favs from Saturday's shoot with Julie and her fam. :)

Okay, so maybe that's more than a few... ;)

Thanks, Julie, for sharing your family with us yesterday. We had an absolute blast!
_______________________

"The family is one of nature’s masterpieces."
-- George Santayana

The Victor

Love this... So inspiring. And so true.

The Victor
by: C. W. Longenecker

If you think you are beaten, you are.

If you think you dare not, you don't.

If you like to win but think you can't,
it's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost.

For out in the world we find
success begins with a fellow's will.

It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are out classed, you are.

You've got to think high to rise.

You've got to be sure of your-self before
you can ever win the prize.

Life's battles don't always go
to the stronger or faster man.

But sooner or later, the man who wins
is the man who thinks he can.

** For more pics of Julia, click here. :)

_________________

"The power of imagination makes us infinite."
-- John Muir

Impatient...

I've never been very patient.

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Quick, quick, quick. Now. Now. Now...

When I'm fired-up about something, I feel the immediate urge to scale the highest mountain or climb up to the highest roof top and - by yelling, screaming, jumping, or busting a righteous move - enthusiastically let the world know, in no uncertain terms, that I'm way beyond super-excited.

Seriously. I mean, there are times when I can hardly contain myself.

It's a bit ridiculous, really.

Here are some shots from a photo shoot that I did today with Julia. Not surprisingly, I'm too excited about these pics to wait until I'm officially done editing to post them.

So I'm doing it now.

Right now.

Enjoy!















_____________________

"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"
-- George Carlin

A Sunday Shoot

Fun with Fiona Rose...

Pouting... It's tough being two.

______________________

"Courage, determination, pride...that's what little girls are made of."
-- Author Unknown