Throughout the past few years, I've had the blessed opportunity to see first-hand how our thoughts create our lives. And, while I won't pretend to know all the cosmic workings of the Universe, I do know that dwelling on the negative doesn't help.
Yet we all experience negative emotion. With the contrast of life providing choice after choice after choice, it's a given that we aren't always going to feel hunky dory. That we're not always going to be positive little Pollyannas or live every day like in Zen-like bliss. And that's okay. It's only when we allow ourselves to get caught up in the contrast and wallow in the negativity that we have a problem.
Well, lately I've been wallowing. A lot.
Today, however, I had an epiphany. I'm going to give myself a break and allow it. Not the wallowing part. (Of course I don't encourage that.) But I am going to allow myself to feel - despite what comes up.
Feel. And release.
I'm beginning to learn that it's just as important to honor negative emotions as positive ones. It's common, when we first learn that our thoughts create our lives, to suddenly condemn any feelings that aren't upbeat, joyful and, well, positive. I've done it. The minute those less than pleasant feelings of despair, fear, or uncertainty start to simmer in the pit of my stomach, my first thought is to push, push, push them back down. Slap the lid on and hold down tight. Because to let them out, to allow them to boil to the surface and take control - even if only a little while - would be tantamount to disaster.
Have you ever watched Seinfeld? Do you remember the episode where George's father would yell out, "Serenity now!" whenever he felt his own negative feelings threaten to emerge? As the show progressed, we watched as said feelings erupted into a tirade of frenzied energy - lashing out at unpredictable and completely inopportune times. Hilarious as that episode was, it did make a good point. We, as human beings, experience feelings - good and bad - and, one way or another, we have to let them out. No, maybe they won't explode on us the way they did on Mr. Costanza, but they can do something probably even worse.
They can block our joy. Stimy our expansion.
And, worse yet, they can cloud our vision. These unexpressed emotions can blind us, completely hiding solutions that we would have otherwise seen had we not been repressing forbidden, "taboo" feelings. Our emotions are feedback from our soul, our Inner Being, and when we ignore them - even if we're only ignoring the not so pleasant ones - we are, in a sense, ignoring our higher power.
I'm in a rut. I feel that all of my creativity has drained away, leaving nothing more than a hollowed out shell. I absolutely love photography - it's an art that I will always, always adore. But I'm no longer confident that it's the right path for me. Or, perhaps more accurately, I'm no longer convinced that it's the only path for me.
I think there's more. No, wait... I feel there's more.
I think I'm ready to expand again. Yes, it's a bit soon. I did, after all, just begin this photographic journey less than two years ago. But hey, quick is how I roll. And since life is meant to be lived, I think I'll go ahead and live it.
There's been a feeling brewing in the pit of my stomach for a while now, and lately it's been threatening to boil over. For the last few weeks, I've kept the lid on it. But now... Well, I think I'll stop resisting and see what happens.
I'm ready for the explosion.
** One of my favorite pictures taken to date... And a perfect example of why I will always love photography. (To see more photos from Sasha's session, click here.)
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"One's suffering disappears when one lets oneself go, when one yields - even to sadness."
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Southern Mail, 1929, translated from French by Curtis Cate
