The 30 Day Challenge

I never back down from a good challenge.

Kayaking through sea caves on Lake Superior during the windiest day of the year?

Done it.

One entire month without caffeine?

Piece of cake.

Meditate for 30 minutes a day for 30 days in a row?

Not hard at all.

Walk through Reptile Gardens without freaking out?

Okay. I almost failed that one.

So when Chris instigated this most recent one, how could I refuse?

30 days away from Facebook.

I’ll be spending the next month completely disconnected from the social networking site. I won’t even pretend that it’s not going to free up an enormous amount of time. (During which I have a long list of things that I’ll be diving into: a huge stack of books, Tae Bo DVDs, Spanish tutorials… Not to mention training for a St. Patty’s Day marathon, taking long walks with D, and spending quality time with Chris.)

Facebook is a good thing. It allows us to easily stay in touch with loved ones, maintain friendships that would otherwise be lost to time and distance, and promote the things we love – i.e. small businesses, art, music, etc. See? All good, right?

But I also think it’s something that needs to be used in moderation. I’ve seen people so glued to their Facebook or Twitter screens that they miss the beauty of the moment: a breathtaking sunset, a touching scene in a movie, a wild performance at a concert, a drive through the Cascade Mountains, a once-in-a-lifetime art exhibit, time with a loved one – just to name a few.

And lately – this is where the challenge comes in – I noticed that I was becoming caught up in the madness. Me! Logging onto Facebook instead of picking up that book I’ve been meaning to read. Me! Scrolling through status updates instead of hitting the treadmill with Chris. And, perhaps the most ridiculous, jumping up during movie-date-night to comment on a post in my newsfeed… Pathetic, huh?

Yep. I’d say it’s time for a break.

So I’m taking a month off. To focus on life. Without distractions.

I’ll update my status later. :)

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"Life is sweet when you pay attention. When it doesn't seem sweet, put a sticker on your nose and do a funky dance."
-- Whitney Scott

Thankful

He looked at me carefully. His eyes were guarded, and I knew right away what he was thinking.

Dare I ask her?

But I smiled at Chris over the steaming turkey and nodded. “It’s all right,” I said. “Let’s do this.”

Every year, before we start chowing down on our Thanksgiving feast, we tell each other all the reasons that we’re thankful. This year, however, with the (very) recent and abrupt turn of events that has my life now spiraling into a new, unknown direction, Chris wondered if asking me what I was thankful for might just be the push that hurled me over the edge.

I can't say I blamed him for being nervous.

This year, I’m thankful for a life that’s never dull. I’m thankful for the willingness to constantly push forward and maintain a positive outlook, despite current circumstances. And to know that, no matter what, the power to be happy is – and will always be – mine to control. I’m also thankful for the enormous amount of strength and appreciation that the recent events have instilled in me. What started out as a powerless situation has now become, thankfully, something that I feel I can do anything with.

Right now, I’m not looking back. I’m not even looking forward. For the first time in my life, I’m going to just be. I’m not going to force my way through or to anything. I’m going to stop seeking my future and, instead, allow it to just... happen.

As the old saying goes: Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.

And for the first time in my life, I’m not going to worry about it.

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"You heard what Linus was saying out there. Those early Pilgrims were thankful for what had happened to them, and we should be thankful, too. We should just be thankful for being together. I think that's what they mean by 'Thanksgiving,' Charlie Brown."
-- Marcie (A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving)

"Lovesong"

I don’t always live in the now. Although I do try.

But sometimes thoughts – either concerning past events I can’t change or worries over future events that might not even happen – clog my mind and stifle my present.

Especially lately.

So anything that can break into those toxic distractions and pull me back to the present moment is priceless.

Today this song literally smacked me over the head and shook me out of the doldrums I’d fallen into. Relaxing into that sweet wave of relief, I paused, closed my eyes, and allowed myself to be swept back into the present.

Originally sung by The Cure, this is one of my absolute favorite songs… And until today, I had no idea that Adele had given it a whirl. But with her exquisite voice, I couldn't help but rush home and add it to my play list.

Enjoy.

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"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A New Adventure

Well, here goes.

When one adventure ends, do we weep? Do we throw the covers over our heads and refuse to get out of bed in the mornings because something that we wanted to work out, in fact, didn't?

Yesterday I received notice from the financial aid office at my school informing me that I don't qualify for any sort of financial aid - grants, loans, etc - at all. And, to put it bluntly, I cannot continue to attend college without those loans. After spending the last eleven months of my life attending college, proudly making straight A's and being extraordinarily grateful for finally (finally!) finding a career that I can love, hearing this news was like a punch to the gut. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. For a brief moment, I actually struggled to breathe.

For a good hour, morbid thoughts shot through my mind. Wrapped themselves around my brain and choked my heart. What am I going to do? What are we going to do? Is this how it's always going to be? Get so close to a dream, close enough that I can almost reach it, only to have it cruelly snatched away? To finally reach the end of the tunnel, see that little pin prick of light and feel for the first time in a long time hopeful, only to suddenly be roughly pulled back as a gruff voice laughs viciously, Not something you can have. Never something you can get.

So be it. I guess a college degree is something that I will never have.

It's funny. So many people (not all, but surprisingly quite a few) with college degrees seem to be, well, not really so bright. More like pompous jerks with enormous egos who have no idea how to look past the end of their own noses. Able to thrust a diploma in front of them at dinner parties and, because of said piece of paper, be escorted to the finest table full of all the right people. I've seen exceedingly creative individuals be turned down for jobs merely because they're lacking that same piece of paper. And I've also seen less talented individuals get those same jobs just because they have the piece of paper.

It all just seems so... wrong.

I'm not really sure what direction my life will take now. Other than I know what direction it will not take. All I know is that I have been thrown (rather forcefully) into a new direction. And honestly? Seeing my world from this new vantage point isn't exactly as heartbreaking as I might have feared. But it is scary.

Perhaps the lesson to be learned from all of this is to be okay with where I am. To realize that I'm not better or worse or less-than for not having a college degree. To finally figure out that I'm worthy enough just the way I am. And to accept the fact that I'll always be a little incomplete - perhaps beautifully so.

I have no choice but to keep on keeping on. Life doesn't quit, and neither do I.

My wonderful husband stared at me misty-eyed when I told him my time at college was over. Sliding next to me on the couch, he grasped my hands, touched his forehead to mine and said the kindest words. "I've never met someone who perseveres more than you. I've never met anyone who's had as many road blocks put in their path as you have. Yet you never give up. There's something to be said for that. We'll be fine. You'll be fine."

And of course he's right. I will be fine. But I do have to admit that there's a little part of me - okay, maybe all of me - that's ready to be more than fine. That's ready to finally catch a break and, just for once, just for a little while, sail through life with the winds and not against them.

So we'll see. It looks like one adventure has ended. And I managed to get myself out of bed today.

There's something to be said for that. Or so they say.

So now I'm on the hunt for a new adventure. Because, like Chris says, I never give up.

Bring it.

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"Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world right in the eye."
-- Helen Keller

Fun with Friends :)

I never get to see Julie enough.

So I have to lure her out with my camera. ;)

Thanks Julie, Jason (aka Jeff!), Victor, Harrison, Sidney, and Isabel for a fun, Harry Potter-filled afternoon!!

(Click here to see more Olsen family fun!)
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"Time is making fools of us again."
-- Albus Dumbledore

Expelliarmus!

Count my lucky stars... I got to play Harry Potter yesterday. :)

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"In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own."
-- Albus Dumbledore

Silly. Happy. Love.

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“Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.”
-- Rose Franken

Ten Years

The years are rushing by. When I think back to when we first met, I'm amazed by the stretch of time that has passed.

Ten years.

*Shakes head in complete and utter disbelief*

This month, Chris and I are celebrating ten incredible years of togetherness.

Throughout the last decade, we've been through a lot. Numerous moves, several states, countless jobs, layoffs, career changes, family feuds, fair-weather friends, sicknesses, the death of a loved one, and struggles that have tested and tried our patience with both ourselves and each other.

Yet we're still here. Right now. Together.

We made it through everything unscathed. Because we stuck together. And we'll continue to make it through life unscathed because we have each other.

That cold November night nearly a decade ago, when Fate intervened, I had other plans. Other plans that involved someone else and another life altogether. At the time, I truly thought that I had everything figured out. Who I was. What I was doing. Where I was going...

Then I met Chris. And my world suddenly, irrevocably changed.

I'm happy to say that we're not the same people we were when we met ten years ago. Hell, we're not the same people we were a mere five years ago. (I say this with great tenderness, however, as I'll always be proud of who we were during every chapter of our lives.) The fact that we can take the negative and create from it the positive has allowed us to continually press forward with a new awareness. We're changing, growing, maturing... We're becoming not necessarily better, but bigger and perhaps more brighter, more alive, than we've ever been.

When I look back at the last ten years and all we've been through, I can't help but be grateful for every single moment - the good and the bad. And this breathless appreciation has me more excited than ever about the next ten years to come... :)

* Dorky pics of us as kids. Nerdy-cool even then... ;)

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"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end."
-- Author Unknown

Fifty Dollars

If you had asked me about a month ago, I would have said it was a lot.

Fifty dollars.

As an unemployed college student who lives in one of the most expensive areas of the country, fifty dollars is hard to part with. In fact, it’s damn near priceless.

In America, fifty bucks doesn’t buy much. A full tank of gas, a meager bag or two of groceries, a pair of no-name jeans, a haircut, a night out at the movies…

At the Faustina Akua Dufie Preparatory School in Sayerano, Ghana, however, fifty bucks buys a lot.

Education. Hope. And a future.

The tuition for one student to attend the school for one full year is fifty dollars. That’s it. Unfortunately, it’s a price that most children in the area can’t easily afford. If they can afford it at all.

Education is something that I’m extremely passionate about. It’s something that I think all people – regardless of what country they live in – should have the right to pursue. For a child to not even have the option to attend school is absolutely heartbreaking.

If, a mere month ago, someone had asked me for fifty dollars, I would have – in the politest way possible – refused. On the grounds that I needed it way more than they did.

However, after talking to my brother and learning about the school and its story (he’s friends with the school’s director), my opinion has changed. Suddenly fifty bucks doesn’t seem like much at all.

I just sent off a check. And because of that, a little girl named Abena Sandra will get to go to school tomorrow. Beautiful, isn't it, how such a small amount can make such a big difference? :)

** There are, at the moment, approximately twenty or so hardship cases at Faustina Akua Dufie Preparatory School. If you’d like to help, please contact me and I'd be happy to pass some info your way. The donations go directly to the school for the kids - there's no middleman or company or spokesperson to pay. Also, I'm currently putting together a book list for the school (as they have none) and am looking for used/new book donations as well. I do have to specify that the shipping costs to Ghana from the US are pricey, so any donations toward postal fees are much appreciated as well!

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"An effort made for the happiness of others lifts us above ourselves."
-- Lydia M. Child