Taking A Moment

Reminiscing.

The holidays usually bring that on.

Today, while sipping tea and remembering Christmases past, I pulled out the few pictures I have of my youth. Flipping through them, gently fingering the worn edges and savoring the memories, I felt a tug on my heart.

It's hard. Being alone. Well, of course I'm not really alone. I have Chris. And, aside from D, he's my world.

But what I'm talking about are parents. A mom and a dad. My own dad died when I was fourteen. I've been estranged from my mother for close to seven years now.

And it's hard.

There are times - especially after having an unusually rough day - when I'd love nothing more than being able to call people who really, truly, from-the-bottom-of-their-hearts cared. The freedom to vent to a mother who listens and sympathizes. Or the security of having a dad to lean on when life gets hectic and tough.

Always having that support. That helping hand. That refuge, love, and connection.

That feeling that, no matter what happens, you're never, ever alone.

I miss that. Like crazy, I miss having that.

I've come to terms with the fact that my life is the way it is, and that it's the way it is for a very good reason. And after the holidays, I'll be able to perk up and go on with it without a hitch. Because, in all honesty, my life really is good. And I'm thankful that I have the common sense to realize that.

But for now, just for a moment, I'm going to allow myself to remember.

__________________

"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles."
-- C. JoyBell C.