When, at the age of four, I was first asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I stated, in a rather matter-of-fact way, "I'm going to be an artist."
Throughout the years, my vision of art changed. At first, I was fascinated with painting - any kind of painting. (Finger paints, especially. Hey, I was only four.) Then, after entering kindergarten and learning to read, I became enthralled with books. Writing, to be exact. The written word held for me so many possibilities. I was enchanted with the prospect of designing worlds, creating people and actually directing their lives... The freedom to experience anything I wanted just by simply writing it down on a piece of paper and re-reading it was thrilling to me. I was five when I wrote my first story - an achingly short, albeit endearing tale - about a young bird and his desire to leave his nest and explore the world beyond. Granted, the manuscript (and I use that term loosely) contained more pictures than words, but I snapped it together in a three ring binder and felt a sense of accomplishment nonetheless.
So it's always been there. At the very core of my being. Embedded deep within my DNA. Running rampant through my veins. Pottery, sculpting, writing, painting, comedy, woodworking, sketching, fashion design... There was even a brief couple of years, between the ages of twelve and fourteen, when I swore to anyone who would listen that, someday, I was going to work in the animation department at Disney. I'd even drawn up several full-feature story lines which, to this day, I still secretly dream about submitting. (Wow, did I really just let that slip??)
Er - what was I talking about again?? Anyhoo...
Photography came to me much later in life. I'd always admired photographers, and sought to take the best photo that I could whenever I took a picture. (I had album upon album filled with photographs of random people, places, and things.) Yet, with as many pictures as I took, I never entertained the idea of actually becoming a photographer. While a career at Disney seemed completely possible - if not probable - a career in photography seemed far-fetched and out of reach.
Up until now, photography had always been just a hobby - an extremely fun, passion-filled hobby. But a hobby nevertheless.
And then, about six years ago, Chris proposed. With full on bride-brain, I began to devour wedding sites: various florists, bakers, dress makers, and... Photographers. Before long, I realized that I was more fascinated with the photographs themselves - the lighting, the depth, the unique point of view, the raw emotion caught within the frame - than I was with what the bride was wearing or how the bridesmaid dresses looked. I was no longer looking at photographs to get inspiration for my own wedding. I was looking at photographs and becoming inspired.
Still, it wasn't until several years ago that I actually began to comtemplate the idea of becoming a photographer. And it was still quite a while after that that I even began to envision myself as one. But slowly, day by day, month by month, photograph after photograph, that vision began to solidify until, eventually, I sucked up the courage and took that courageous leap of unyielding faith. A leap that now allows me to boldly state (with the sort of matter-of-fact certainty that would have made my four year-old self proud) that, yes, I am a photographer.
And just what has that leap of faith entailed? Well, for starters, on June 30th I quit my job. I left the world of veterinary medicine and have now taken on - in every, way, shape, and form - the role of photographer. No longer am I a veterinary technician who is just dabbling in the art of photography. I am not, anymore, a caged soul searching for a way to live more creatively in the few free hours I have between shifts.
I have found my creativity. I have found my path. I have found my calling.
Right now, as I type this, a smile is slipping across my face. A giddy smile that I couldn't hold back even if I wanted to. Today, I write with conviction and faith... I am an artist.
_______________
"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up."
-- Pablo Picasso
