What Makes a Mom?

Am I a mom?

No. At least, not in the traditional sense.

But in the untraditional sense, I am. A mom.

My daughters have fur. Four legs. Floppy ears. And tails.

And yes. I am their mom.

Okay, most "real" moms out there are probably snorting into their coffee cups right about now. Her? A mom? Children are so much more different than pets. She's not a mom. No way. No how. And the kicker? She didn't go through ten/eighteen/thirty-six hours of labor like I did!

So what makes a mom? Over the last few years, I've had to think long and hard about this question. Tense times with my own mother has left us estranged - we haven't been in each other's lives for nearly six years now. And that fall out (of which there were many over the years, truth be told) makes me wonder just what, exactly, makes a person a mother? In, you know, the traditional sense.

Warm. Kind. Nurturing. Compassionate. Understanding...

Those words float immediately into my head.

A mom is someone who will never - no matter what - turn her back on you. Who loves you unconditionally, wholly, and without judgment - until death-do-you-part. Unlike a spouse, a mother doesn't have to take an oath, because loving you is just in her blood. It's a part of who she is. It's a connection that she cherishes and never, ever lets fade away.

I am a mom. I supported my girls when they were young and wobbling little puppies. I got up at three o'clock in the morning when they had to go outside. I've sat through bouts of sickness, cleaned up messes from said sicknesses, petted away fear, taught compassion, celebrated their victories, and cuddled needing hearts.

I researched medical therapies, struggled through let down after let down, and experienced sleepless nights when Molly got sick. Four months of sleepless nights. I felt a sickness of my own when I realized she couldn't be saved. And I sat right there with her and held her head in my hands when, at last, the needle went in.

As a mother, I still feel that loss. That unbearable emptiness. Even today.

So yes. I am a mother. In all the ways that truly matter.

I know from experience that family isn't always related to you by blood. Sharing a common lineage does not always a family make. And biology? Biology most certainly doesn't determine who your family is.

But love does. Compassion does. And where those two things exist, there exists a family.

________________

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."
-- Richard Bach