Life, and What's Important

There is nothing more important in life than feeling good.

Throughout the last few weeks, I've fallen off the wagon. Lost my train of thought. And become desensitized to what's really important in life.

It's easy to do. People do it every day, in fact. Fall into a sort of dreamlike state and move through life with all the rigidity of a robot. And some people, unfortunately, never wake up.

Over the last year and a half, I've done sort of a "spiritual cleansing" where I've tossed out old behaviors, beliefs, and patterns of thought that weren't working for me. And, in doing that, I've discovered what's really important in life.

Well, duh, you say. The important things in life are family, friends, health...

And I agree. To an extent.

What I've learned - and some of you may not agree, and that's fine - is that I am the most important thing in my life. Just like you should be the most important thing in your life. And Joe The Plumber should be the most important thing in Joe The Plumber's life.

I'm talking about loving yourself. And, without getting all sentimental and wishy-washy, I'm going to propose that loving oneself is really the most important thing an individual can do. The most important and essential kind of love there is.

Please note - I'm not talking about vanity. And I'm certainly not promoting narcissistic behavior or arrogant infatuations.

For all you people-pleasers out there, stop. Seriously. It's not easy to do - I know from experience. I used to be one of the biggest people-pleasers out there. It was almost like I had the attitude of a Labrador Retriever. What can I do for you? How can I help you? What do you need? What can I get you? Huh, huh, huh? Oh, don't get up - I'll get it! I'm on it! Oh, no, don't worry - I'm fine! No, I'm not really that tired, not really that sick. It's only a one hundred and two degree temperature, but I can handle it. Now really, what can I do for you? How can I make your day - your life - better? What dreams can I give up to help you accomplish yours?

Wow. It was exhausting. But it was the way I was brought up to be. I didn't know any different.

It was only when I began to feel so depressed, so tired, and so completely wiped out that I finally allowed myself to stop for a minute and think, What the hell am I doing?

Luckily, I have a terrific husband who - along with some other influential guides - helped me to see the light. Helped me to realize that by not properly taking care of myself, I wasn't really taking care of anyone else. To understand that by catering to various employers, co-workers, clients, so-called friends, and just random people I'd interact with on a daily basis, I didn't have time for myself. Didn't give myself the care and attention that I so desperately needed. And, as a result of that misguidance, wasn't really giving anyone - myself included - a full hundred percent.

I mean, how can you really give it your all when you're depressed, tired, worn out? How can you really do and be your best when you are running on empty? And how can you truly live when you are so busy helping other people achieve their dreams that you don't have the time to reach for yours?

It's impossible.

Therefore, you must love yourself. Put yourself first above all else. Honestly. Because, when you take the time to make yourself happy, you'll make others happy. When you're in good spirits, only then can you positively influence those around you in a way that will truly make the world a better place.

Again, it may sound a bit wish-washy, but it's a fact.

Think about it. How happy are you when your significant other/child/roommate/boss /co-workers are depressed, agitated, angry, or sick? How much fun is it to be around someone who is so busy helping others that he or she is only a shell of a person? A worn out, bitter servant to society? Is that twisted, exhausted person really making the world a better place? Really putting honest-to-goodness smiles on people's faces?

No.

Now, if there comes a time when you want to do something for someone else, go for it. Wanting to please someone out of the goodness of your own heart is something different entirely. I'm not trying to promote indifference. I'm simply suggesting that you limit yourself. Take care of yourself. And know where to draw the line.

If you're a chronic people-pleaser, it may take awhile to let go. To stop being a stepping stool or doormat. But once you do, it's smooth sailing. It's literally exhilarating. Believe me.

Once I stopped catering to others, I learned so much about myself. Discovered so many wonderful qualities and strengths that I never even knew I had. Over the last several years, I've uncovered endless talents, awakened slumbering passions, and uprooted previously buried desires that have led me, step by step, to unending experiences of bliss, love, wonder, and fulfillment.

(Oh, so wishy-washy...)

So, take time to cater to yourself. Treat yourself. Love yourself. Don't fall into the rigidity of your daily routine. Don't allow your days, weeks, years to be monotonous. Don't find yourself at the end of your life wishing you'd done it differently.

Like I said, I have my husband to help me. I realize how lucky I am. When I fall off the wagon, he helps me back up. Keeps me on track. Let's me be me. And he's able to do that because he cares enough about himself to make sure he's happy. And when he's happy, I'm happy. It's like a vicious circle. But not really all that vicious. (Hmmmm... Does that make any sense?)

I used to complain to Chris that I felt like I was viewing life two-dimensionally. Like I was looking at everything through an old, time-worn film projector. Since re-claiming my life, I'm finally starting to see things in full-on 3-D. Life is bigger and better than I could have ever imagined. All because I realized that there is nothing more important in life than that I feel good.

Hold the side order of guilt, please.






Taking pictures makes me feel good. ;)
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"People will love you, people will hate you, and none of it will have anything to do with you."
-- Abraham / Hicks

Rx: Get a Pet

Dog. Cat. Rabbit. Ferret. Hamster. Rat.

Whatever.

My advice to you - regardless of your preference - is to get a pet. Whether you're simply feeling a bit blue or suffering from major depression, a pet can and will help you.

Yesterday I saw the truth of this first hand.

Life can be tough. Regardless of how upbeat and cheerful we are, no matter what kind of positive outlook we have on life, it is inevitable that something will eventually try to bring us down. Some random catastrophe during the day/week/year will, without notice, consume whatever good-feeling thoughts we're having and temporarily drain us of our happiness. Of our appreciation. And of our joy.

It's an indisputable fact that, no matter how few and far between they are, there are days when the glass is going to be half empty.

The woman who came into the clinic yesterday was having one of those days. Her glass, at least from her point of view, was nowhere near full. It was obvious from the moment she walked in the door.

A loud sigh. Shoulders tensed. Her face twisted into a scowl. Heels clicking angrily on the ceramic-tiled floor...

I smiled and offered a hello. She ignored it.

Her lips drawn into a thin line, she stomped past the counter, grabbed a bag of prescription cat food, stalked back to the counter, and slammed the eighteen pound bag down in front of me.

So, a challenge, I thought. I brightened my smile. Tried a bit of chit-chat as I updated her account.

It didn't work. The only responses I seemed able to draw from her were sharp, one word answers.

Okay, I thought. Time to throw in the towel. Sometimes people in bad moods just want to be left alone. I get it. No problem.

And then, low and behold, I witnessed a miracle.

While I had my attention turned to the credit card machine, I heard, "Oh, hello there, sweetie..."

A voice as sweet as syrup. Could it be? I glanced up and, yep, it had come from the woman whose glass was half empty.

A bit confused, as I was pretty sure she wasn't talking to me, I twisted around in my chair, searching for the source of her affection. And there it was.

Moochie. Our office cat.

Slinking around the corner of the desk, she gracefully hopped up onto the counter and seductively made her way toward our disgruntled client.

My jaw dropped. Seriously. I mean, it was an amazing thing to watch. The woman's entire countenance changed. Her eyes softened. Her face relaxed. Her lips pulled into a smile. Her posture opened up. And I could almost see the weight lift from her shoulders.

Like I said - it was a miracle.

As she chatted with Moochie, I simply sat and stared. And tried to pry my jaw up off the floor.

Of course, being an animal lover, I know that having a pet is beneficial to a person's health. I love my girls immensely. But seeing an example such as this - seeing proof such as this - was close to mind blowing.

The woman looked over at me and smiled. Talked a little bit about her cat. Smiled some more. Laughed.

Throughout the rest of our interaction, her hand did not stray from the purring feline.

Her mood had done a complete one-eighty. In a matter of seconds. All because of a cat.

Crazy.

It's said that "animals encourage social interaction between people." Obviously. And among other things.

I went home to our two girls last night and hugged them. Gave them a treat. And thanked them for lowering my blood pressure.

And Chris thanked Molly for his one gray hair.

Eh, not everything's perfect. ;)



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"I love that quiet time when nobody's up and the animals are all happy to see me."
-- Olivia Newton

25 Completely Random Things About Us

1. We are obsessed with the sitcom Wings. So much so, in fact, that visiting Nantucket is first on our list of "dream vacations."

2. We don't own cell phones. And we really don't care to.

3. I love to read. Chris doesn't.

4. We lost our fathers (mine to cancer, and Chris' to a heart attack) when we were just kids.

5. We have a peculiar love of zombie movies.

6. Neither of us really knew ourselves until we moved out to the Pacific Northwest. Here, life has taken on a whole new meaning.

7. Someday we'll have a child. Maybe.

8. Chris is a neat freak. And I'm, well, not so much.

9. We're addicted to the TV shows "Dexter" and "Supernatural." Oh, and as of very recently, "Harper's Island."

10. We love Bang Bang Shrimp.

11. We treat our dogs like they're family. Because they are.

12. We dream big.

13. We own way too many DVDs.

14. I graduated from high school in 1995, and Chris graduated in 1997.

15. I'm almost an entire year older than Chris, yet he's more mature. Go figure. ;)

16. We're both very creative.

17. Chris is laid back. I'm emotional.

18. Chris will read Bear Grylls' blog before this one. (That's okay, Chris - I love you anyway...) ;)

19. We love listening to live music - especially the blues.

20. We both love road trips, hiking, kayaking, sightseeing, and exploring.

21. We both have fond memories of Iowa and Minnesota, but are happy that we don't live there anymore.

22. We're adventurous and like to do things outside of the norm.

23. We laugh at each other. A lot.

24. We're happy that we got married, but sometimes wish we would have just eloped instead of having a traditional wedding.

25. We love life.


And because pictures make everything better... :)



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"An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband."
-- Booth Tarkington

There's No Place Like Home

There's no place like home.

That's an understatement.

I'm a bit of a homebody. As much as I like to travel, explore, sightsee, learn, experience other cultures - I like to be at home just as much. Some days there's nothing better than holing up in front of the TV with Chris and the girls and watching every single one of our Wings DVDs. And after a long day at work, coming home is just what the doctor ordered. In fact, the feeling I get just by walking in the front door of our place after a long day is euphoric. The weight of the stresses of the past few hours instantly lift from my shoulders and I literally sigh with relief.

Home. I'm home.

Since we decided to join forces and make a home of our own, Chris and I have lived in several places. Over the years, we've called several different states "home" - Iowa, Minnesota, Washington... We've felt at home in all of them.

But what makes a home, well, a home?

When I was a little girl, I used to fear the possibility of my parents selling our house. I couldn't imagine being homeless. Because, in my young mind, that's exactly what we would have been. Homeless. Never mind the fact that another house would have immediately been purchased, an apartment rented, or a townhouse leased. That didn't matter. At the time, I truly believed that the only home I could ever have was the one I grew up in. And if we were to ever move, I'd have to leave my cozy bedroom with the yellow walls and the shag green carpet. Would never again see our comfortable - albeit chilly - basement complete with our pop up VCR and red wall paper. There were so many things I'd certainly miss: hearing our toilet mysteriously flush by itself in the middle of the night, the scarred garage door that had taken a beating from my earlier days of pitching softball, the creaky swingset down in the garden that always seemed a bit off kilter... And what about our pool in the backyard? What would I do without that?

To go a step further, I used to spend nights worrying about the day when I finally grew up and had to leave home to start a family of my own. How could the house I shared with my husband ever feel like home? How long would it take me to learn every nook and cranny of the rooms, the yard, the property? And, most importantly, would I ever feel as comfortable in my new house as I did in my old house?

(Did I ever mention that I did wayyyyy too much thinking as a kid? Geesh. Anyway...)

Back then, I believed with all my heart that home was a place. A specific place filled with specific furniture, specific carpet, specific fixtures, specific landscaping, specific sounds, specific smells, specific people... And without the presence of any of those things, home would cease being "home." Instead it would become some strange, uncomfortable, cold, barely inhabitable architectural structure that would leave me feeling empty and out of sorts.

Obviously, the thought of living anywhere but my childhood home used to haunt me a great deal. Pathetic? Yes. But hey, I was a kid. And an overly-emotional one at that.

Fortunately, I grew up. I realized that "home" is more a feeling than an actual place. More a state of mind than a geographically placed stack of bricks and mortar. More about the heart than about the walls.

I will never forget the feeling I got as Chris and I embarked on our most recent move. Our Jeep was packed to the hilt, and as we pulled out of the driveway of our old townhouse back in Minnesota we could hardly contain our excitement. We were heading West, and even though we were technically homeless (we had never been to Washington and blindly sent in a deposit for our new place) I remember feeling a strange sense of calm. Everything that mattered most to me was already in the Jeep: Chris and the dogs. We had the bare essentials and, if worst came to worst, could manage to survive on just that for probably as long as we needed to. In a sense, I was home long before we got to Washington.

It was a crazy-giddy sort of revelation.

I no longer think of home as a place. Like I said before, it's a state of mind. A feeling. And as Chris and I moved around, carving a path through the Midwest and out towards the Pacific Northwest, I've found that the old saying is true. Home is where the heart is.

And there's no place like it.




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"There's no place like home. There's no place like home."
-- Dorothy Gale

Mukilteo Lighthouse

One of the things we like best about living out here is that we are constantly discovering new things. New places to visit, new mountains to hike, new islands to explore, and new beaches to comb. It's like being on a never-ending vacation.

Well, sort of.

We discovered this little gem last weekend. And, since it's only a sweet twenty minute ride from our place, you can bet we'll be hitting this fab locale QUITE a bit.







It's during days like this, when we're standing in the midst of all this rugged beauty and serene landscape, that Chris and I just look at each other. Our eyes lock, and we communicate in that telepathic way that we so often do.

No, I can't believe we live here either.
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"But each [northwest] city remains, to most of its citizens, a great place to live in. Residents of Seattle, Portland, and Vancouver envy their friends who go on trips, but we feel sorry for those who must move away."
--Murray Morgan (The Northwest Corner)

Music At The Market

Last weekend, Chris and I suffered from a major case of the blues... Music, that is.

If you know anything about us, you know that we love the blues. Take our wedding, where we were fortunate enough to dance to the amazing sounds of James Kinds and the All-Night Riders. And Stevie Ray Vaughn, the guitar hero of blues-rock, will always hold a special place in our hearts.

While strolling through the Market, clutching our paper bags filled with fruit and goodies, we stumbled across Reggie Miles - and are soooo happy that we did. An amazing artist, he has the sort of wistful voice that will make the tiny hairs on your arms stand up. But in a good way.

In a nutshell, he gave me the goosebumps.




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"Blues is a natural fact, is something that a fellow lives. If you don't live it you don't have it. Young people have forgotten to cry the blues. Now they talk and get lawyers and things."
-- Big Bill Broonzy

Scrumptous Goodies From The Market...

Mmmmmm...

A bonus of living in the Seattle area is having unlimited access to Pike Place Market. It's the epicenter of yumminess. (Yes, I'm pretty sure that's a word.) It has everything - jars and jars of pickles, honey and jam; boxes upon boxes of fruit and veggies; barrels and barrels full of sugary sweet treats that would make Willy Wonka himself green with envy; layer atop layer of trays filled to the brink with mouth-watering baked goods; and a never ending supply of fresh (and sometimes flying) seafood. Combine that with an eclectic array of fine dining restaurants and enticing sidewalk cafes and there you have it - the EPICENTER OF YUMMINESS.








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“You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?”
-- Dennis Miller

Judging A Book By Its Cover

How many times have you judged a book by its cover? Discounted something - or, worse yet, someone - based on appearance? How often have you looked down on a person because of his or her hairstyle, choice of wardrobe, or financial status? And how many times has money, body size, or age influenced your opinions?

Please note - I'm not pointing any fingers. I'm just as guilty as most people.

But one has to wonder... Every time we ignore someone based on outward appearances, what gift are we missing out on? What precious gem lies buried under that exterior layer that we aren't allowing ourselves to see? What type of talent is brewing beneath the surface, just waiting to erupt?

If we continue to judge based on looks, we may never know.

If I've learned anything over the years, it's that all beings - big, small, fat, thin, dark, light, educated, uneducated, lawyers, doctors, janitors, painters, unibrow or no unibrow - are unique. Each and every soul has something to contribute to our world. Everyone and everything is worthy of respect. Of appreciation. And of admiration.

Every being deserves to be - unconditionally and irrevocably - loved.

When I first saw Susan Boyle, I judged. A bit. Probably not as much as some people - I didn't pull my lips back in a sneer, didn't click my tongue or shake my head, didn't belt out a sarcastic, "Yeah right!" But I did, just for a split second, think, Seriously??

Well, Susan Boyle - you taught me a lesson. You taught everyone watching you on Britain's Got Talent a lesson. And, I hope, you taught the entire world a lesson.

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"It's never too late to live happily ever after."

It's a Dog's Life

It's no secret that dogs are perhaps the happiest beings on the planet.

In fact, anyone that has ever owned a dog has, at one time or another, wished they could be more like their canine companion.

Come on. Admit it.

It doesn't take much to please a dog. A bone. A throw pillow. Some kibble. Maybe a squeak toy. A lush patch of grass...

The great thing about dogs is that, unlike us humans, they don't get bent out of shape when something doesn't go their way. Sure, they're just like us. They have desires, needs. They want things. They dream. An extra scoop of dog food, please. A spot on the bed, not on the floor beside it, would be just great, thank you very much. And, by the way, I'd really like to try a bit of that steak you're eating...

Desires. One thing I've noticed about our girls is that they actively pursue their desires. Take our lab mix, Dehlia, for example. Every day, without fail, she'll circle the table while Chris and I eat dinner. Round and round. A whimper here. A whine there. All in a pathetic attempt to get a handout.

It drives us nuts.

In all honestly, it's probably our fault that she does this. Because, once in a blue moon, she'll actually score a treat. Chris will have a rare moment of weakness and toss her the leftover crust from his pizza. Or I (in my usual state of gracefulness) will drop an entire hot dog on the floor - bun and all. Those days, in Dehlia's mind, are very good days.

But then there are the days - most days, actually - when dinner time will roll by completely uneventful. Chris will clean his entire plate, and I'll accomplish an amazing feat by not dropping anything edible on the carpet. On those oh so dark days, Dehlia will leave the dinner table completely empty-handed. Or empty-bellied. However you want to look at it.

But does it throw her? Does it put her in a bad mood? Does she pout and whine and moan and throw a doggie-temper tantrum? Does she toss her paws in the air and bark, Why God? Why? No. She'll simply, gracefully, and with as many good-manners as she can muster, return to her spot on the couch, where she'll continue doing whatever it was she was doing before dinner time. (Napping, watching TV, chewing on her bone, etc., etc.)

Now, when I don't get something I want, I'm not that agreeable. I get irritated. Moody. A bit depressed. And yep - even bitchy. (Oh, my poor husband.) And sometimes I'll even toss my hands in the air and ask, "Why God?! Why?"

Lately, in an attempt to become a happier and more content person, I've turned to our dogs. Studied them. Learned from them. Learned a lot from them.

Dogs appreciate their surroundings. They appreciate the good they already have. Sure, if something better comes along, then great. Grand. Wonderful. Bring it on, they seem to say. But if nothing at all exciting happens on a particular day - if all they do is eat their standard meal of kibble and lay on the floor instead of the bed, if they don't get to go on that walk they were looking forward to - they're still happy. They're still content. And, most importantly, they're still in love with life.

How often can any of us say that? How often have disappointments brought us down? Made us bitter, angry, resentful? How many times have we let money, relationships, careers, and body-images keep us from enjoying life?

I'll admit it. For me, I've let it happen far too much.

Dogs are resilient. Hard to keep down. In fact, more often than not, you can't keep a dog down. Even the homeless dogs I've worked with in the past were far more happy than most people I know today. Sad, but true.

No, it's not bad to have desires. It's not bad to have wants and needs. And it's certainly not bad to have dreams. But when we let the outcome become more important than the present, when we let the results dictate our point of happiness, that's when we're in trouble.

Life is meant to be good. It's meant to be enjoyed. And it's meant to be lived. Fully, completely, no holds-barred.

All that's important in life, I've learned from my dogs. And I'm continuing to learn from them. More and more. Everyday.

In the end, they've been my greatest teachers.


** As a side note, this is possibly the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. In fact, I laughed so hard when I first saw it that I think I pulled a muscle in my neck. Enjoy!


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"I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make them wear little hats so I can use the car-pool lanes."
-- Monica Piper

Flowers at the Market :)

In honor of the super-beautiful weather we've been having here lately, here are some colorful shots of the gorgeous flowers down at Pike Place Market. Enjoy! :)




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"I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck."
-- Emma Goldman

A Day in Seattle

How great is my husband?? I mean, how many guys would let their wives parade them around the city while snapping picture after picture of them??

Lucky for me, Chris is one of those guys. I can't even begin to say how much I appreciate his support. Honestly, without him I don't know where I'd be.

Here are the first few shots edited with my brand spanking new software - Adobe Photoshop CS4.

Thanks, Chris, for letting me practice on you. Love you. :)

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"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

-- Anonymous