Throughout the last few weeks, I've fallen off the wagon. Lost my train of thought. And become desensitized to what's really important in life.
It's easy to do. People do it every day, in fact. Fall into a sort of dreamlike state and move through life with all the rigidity of a robot. And some people, unfortunately, never wake up.
Over the last year and a half, I've done sort of a "spiritual cleansing" where I've tossed out old behaviors, beliefs, and patterns of thought that weren't working for me. And, in doing that, I've discovered what's really important in life.
Well, duh, you say. The important things in life are family, friends, health...
And I agree. To an extent.
What I've learned - and some of you may not agree, and that's fine - is that I am the most important thing in my life. Just like you should be the most important thing in your life. And Joe The Plumber should be the most important thing in Joe The Plumber's life.
I'm talking about loving yourself. And, without getting all sentimental and wishy-washy, I'm going to propose that loving oneself is really the most important thing an individual can do. The most important and essential kind of love there is.
Please note - I'm not talking about vanity. And I'm certainly not promoting narcissistic behavior or arrogant infatuations.
For all you people-pleasers out there, stop. Seriously. It's not easy to do - I know from experience. I used to be one of the biggest people-pleasers out there. It was almost like I had the attitude of a Labrador Retriever. What can I do for you? How can I help you? What do you need? What can I get you? Huh, huh, huh? Oh, don't get up - I'll get it! I'm on it! Oh, no, don't worry - I'm fine! No, I'm not really that tired, not really that sick. It's only a one hundred and two degree temperature, but I can handle it. Now really, what can I do for you? How can I make your day - your life - better? What dreams can I give up to help you accomplish yours?
Wow. It was exhausting. But it was the way I was brought up to be. I didn't know any different.
It was only when I began to feel so depressed, so tired, and so completely wiped out that I finally allowed myself to stop for a minute and think, What the hell am I doing?
Luckily, I have a terrific husband who - along with some other influential guides - helped me to see the light. Helped me to realize that by not properly taking care of myself, I wasn't really taking care of anyone else. To understand that by catering to various employers, co-workers, clients, so-called friends, and just random people I'd interact with on a daily basis, I didn't have time for myself. Didn't give myself the care and attention that I so desperately needed. And, as a result of that misguidance, wasn't really giving anyone - myself included - a full hundred percent.
I mean, how can you really give it your all when you're depressed, tired, worn out? How can you really do and be your best when you are running on empty? And how can you truly live when you are so busy helping other people achieve their dreams that you don't have the time to reach for yours?
It's impossible.
Therefore, you must love yourself. Put yourself first above all else. Honestly. Because, when you take the time to make yourself happy, you'll make others happy. When you're in good spirits, only then can you positively influence those around you in a way that will truly make the world a better place.
Again, it may sound a bit wish-washy, but it's a fact.
Think about it. How happy are you when your significant other/child/roommate/boss /co-workers are depressed, agitated, angry, or sick? How much fun is it to be around someone who is so busy helping others that he or she is only a shell of a person? A worn out, bitter servant to society? Is that twisted, exhausted person really making the world a better place? Really putting honest-to-goodness smiles on people's faces?
No.
Now, if there comes a time when you want to do something for someone else, go for it. Wanting to please someone out of the goodness of your own heart is something different entirely. I'm not trying to promote indifference. I'm simply suggesting that you limit yourself. Take care of yourself. And know where to draw the line.
If you're a chronic people-pleaser, it may take awhile to let go. To stop being a stepping stool or doormat. But once you do, it's smooth sailing. It's literally exhilarating. Believe me.
Once I stopped catering to others, I learned so much about myself. Discovered so many wonderful qualities and strengths that I never even knew I had. Over the last several years, I've uncovered endless talents, awakened slumbering passions, and uprooted previously buried desires that have led me, step by step, to unending experiences of bliss, love, wonder, and fulfillment.
(Oh, so wishy-washy...)
So, take time to cater to yourself. Treat yourself. Love yourself. Don't fall into the rigidity of your daily routine. Don't allow your days, weeks, years to be monotonous. Don't find yourself at the end of your life wishing you'd done it differently.
Like I said, I have my husband to help me. I realize how lucky I am. When I fall off the wagon, he helps me back up. Keeps me on track. Let's me be me. And he's able to do that because he cares enough about himself to make sure he's happy. And when he's happy, I'm happy. It's like a vicious circle. But not really all that vicious. (Hmmmm... Does that make any sense?)
I used to complain to Chris that I felt like I was viewing life two-dimensionally. Like I was looking at everything through an old, time-worn film projector. Since re-claiming my life, I'm finally starting to see things in full-on 3-D. Life is bigger and better than I could have ever imagined. All because I realized that there is nothing more important in life than that I feel good.
Hold the side order of guilt, please.
Taking pictures makes me feel good. ;)
_________________________
"People will love you, people will hate you, and none of it will have anything to do with you."
-- Abraham / Hicks
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